New goals....

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What happened here?

So my worries over money have turned themselves into a full scale freak out about our whole move. A good night's sleep has become a thing of the past for me- Jon & I climb into bed each night and he falls into dreamland as soon as his head hits the pillow. I usually nod off around 4 and then the alarm goes off at 7. I need to develop his ability to shrug everything off, trust that it will work out and move on with the suggested activity. In the meantime, I have this blog to vent to (and hopefully getting some of the emotion out will let me get a bit more shut eye!)

Right now I feel like I am letting everyone down. The whole reason we moved here was for me to get design work and use my schooling. Every time we talk to anyone back home that's their first question, and I suppose it should be their main one. That really is why we came here. But I'm not doing design work yet. The clients that I started working with right before the move were unhappy that I was far away for the beginning stages and went with other designers. The leads that my friend in Vancouver gives me are unimpressed by my assignment filled portfolio and lack of real experience. I did luck out with my job because it keeps me fresh and current with the design trends and there is a real chance to build my portfolio during my time there, but did we move to Victoria so I could work at a retail store that also has a location in Edmonton? Should I take the bait and accept the boutique manager position open in the Edmonton location and move back to where I'm comfortable? Is a managerial position good enough to make me give up my dream and throw away all that time spent in university? 

I think we have to stay here so I can prove to myself that this was the right choice, and I think I need to grow a tougher skin to stay. This has been a hard month for me. I have been so down on myself for not doing what I came here to do. I have been super homesick, but too scared to call home because I know they are going to ask about design work and I am out of excuses about why I'm working retail instead. I know that I am loved no matter where I work, but it was my work that took us away from them. I am mad at myself for thinking that this move could be easy and that I would just shift into my dream and everything would work out perfectly. I was wrong. It's not perfect, but I think I can make it work.
I read a post by the lovely Misssrobin today (who I wrote about awhile back in my Project 31, question #3), and it was all about the power that women have. It was exactly what I needed to hear. You should read it too, here is the link. I am going to follow her suggestion, I am going to start forgiving and motivating, and I am going to ease up on myself. The only way my design work is going to get anywhere is if I just keep getting up, so here I go again, climbing upwards.

Breaking Even

We have been in Victoria for a bit over a month and are just starting to get up onto our feet money wise. Moving cost way more than I was expecting and then the span that we weren't working took a bigger toll. We were just getting to the point that we can catch up on last month's bills and this month's arrived. I am freaking out a little bit. Actually, I shouldn't say a little bit. I should say a lot. Sleep has become a novelty for me this last few weeks.

The thing that drives me the craziest is that I am so scared of the voices saying "I told you so". Leading up to our move we were told that we would fail, that we would move back to Edmonton and that we would beg for the life we had before we left. I am too stubborn to let that voice win. We will make this work and soon it will all be ok. I know it will. We sold a bunch of stuff that was going to collect dust in or storage locker downstairs and have been really careful planning out meals so we have food to last until cash flow improves. And in the meantime, the lack of sleep just gives me more time to re-list the items we're selling and respond to emails!

Editing

This last bit of blogging silence has been a struggle on this end. There is tons I want to write about, but I have been holding back and not posting because I know that I have lots of family and friends reading. I love that you are all reading along and following our Victoria adventure, I wish you would comment more (even as anonymous and then type your name after your comment) but I understand that the blogging thing is new to most of you. 

The blog has turned into a sunshine and roses showcase. I have only let myself post things that will not concern those who love us. I am going to change that now. It's not fair to any of us if I only write about the happy moments and skip over the things that are worrying me. I am going back to writing everything. Just remember, NOTHING HERE IS A CALL FOR HELP! Any problems that we encounter, anything that we are losing sleep over, anything that blocks our path we will find a solution for. If the only solution we can think of is asking you for help, we will do that, but over the phone or face to face. This is just a place to vent, to get feedback and to look back and see how far we've come. 

Lots of love!

Kelly

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Best Photo Ever!!!!

Shannon emailed me this photo, which was taken on her camera because mine was dead. It was taken at Cactus Club Cafe in Edmonton, right before we moved. We made fun of their Gluten Free menu for about an hour because of the teriyaki rice bowl with no teriyaki sauce! What is the point???? The other good one is right at the top- The burger without a bun or fries??? 

Questions....

While we were out for a walk yesterday we came across this sticker on the side of a postal box. It occurred to me that I don't really know any of the answers. How many could you answer on the spot?

Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to my Mom who has taught me many things over the years:

#1- I can't pull off the sailor look, no matter how cute I am!

Family Photo circa 1990??

#2- That life is more fun when you kick up your feet and laugh!

Maui 2002

#3- That it's surprisingly hard to get a photo of our family with all our eyes open!

Movie night 2004

#4- That we are good at posing for photos

Karen & Paul's wedding, 2005

#5- That, at one time or another, we all need a bib

Easter 2010

#6- That if you work hard enough for long enough you get to buy pretty dresses!

My graduation from University, 2010

#7- That sometimes it is acceptable to require 10 people's help to get ready in the morning...

My wedding day, 2010

#8- That you are always there for me (if you agree with my choices or not!)

An etsy find

I love you!

Gifts??

My Mom & Jonathan's Mom at our wedding rehersal

I always forget what it is like working retail close to major gift giving occasions. Mother's Day is on Sunday and work has been insanely busy leading up to it. I am trying hard to be excited about the day, but I am wishing that I could be closer to both Moms for the holiday. It also doesn't help that our budget is tight and I get to help people pick out all these wonderful gifts while we send cards back to Edmonton.  But one of the most wonderful things about these two beautiful women is that they don't care about the gifts or the cards. They just want to know that we are happy and healthy. So, while all the other mothers are unwrapping the gifts that I have wrapped for them, I will be on the phone letting mine know that I'm all right.