December 13, 2010

To sugar coat or not to sugar coat?

dilemma (Greekδί-λημμα "double proposition") is a problem offering at least two possibilities, neither of which is practically acceptable. One in this position has been traditionally described as "being on the horns of a dilemma", neither horn being comfortable, "between Scylla and Charybdis"; or "being between a rock and a hard place", since both objects or metaphorical choices are rough. 

This is where I am right now, and I need some guidance from you readers. Here are both sides of my coin, which would you pick for yourself?

Side A: No Sugar Added
I started this blog as a way to communicate and get my voice back. I used to be really social and outgoing. As I became more and more outgoing I started to meet really outgoing people and spent a lot of time with them. Now, when I am out in public I barely talk because whoever I am with will do it for me. Ask the waitress how her day is going? Nope, not me, the people I am with will do that. I promised myself that this blog would change me back into who I used to be. I promised to dedicate some time every evening before bed to get talking. Even when I was my only reader I still stuck with it. And no matter what, I was going to tell the whole truth of the days events. Good or bad, with little care about what the world thinks of me. None of us are perfect, and I think that by reading some of my dysfunctions you will associate, sympathize or help to guide me along.  I have never and will never say specific names or relationships when talking about negatives, just generalizations. Do I keep writing about everything, no matter who reads it or what they think because it really doesn't matter what people think of me and my life?


Side B: Sweet as Pie
When I have had a great day people close to me like to read about it. When I have a bad day the same people get mad when I vent online as it's too public of a venue. I keep being told that the blog can be happy posts and non personal things. Anything that could make the people around me look bad is not to be written about or expressed. And I do understand why, most people close to me know where I am all day, and can associate my moods with my company. So, the more negative I am, the better chance I was hanging out with certain people, and will make them look bad. But, to me this seems like lying. Those of you that read my blog read it because I am real and have issues just like everyone else. If it turned to sunshine and lollipops all the time would you still follow? Do I stop writing about the bad stuff just in case those people see it and get hurt?


misssrobin said...

I hate to give advice. I don't want to think for someone else. You will have to live with your decision, not me. You will have to face people afterward, not me.

That said, let me express my feelings about my blog. I write for me. I started it knowing I would offend people, even though I don't usually write about specific people. I am very direct. I never write something, even on my Difficult Things blog, that I wouldn't be okay with dealing with the fall out should it become public. I hope some of it never gets back to family or friends, but I am prepared in case it does. I am an honest person. I cannot be any other way. Not anymore. If my blog were all lollipops and rainbows it would not be me and it would no longer serve a purpose for me.

My blog is me. I won't fake it for anyone. And I will take the fall out.

Now you have to decide if it is important enough that you keep others happy if it means sacrificing your needs. And if you choose to keep writing honestly, you need to understand that some relationships might suffer -- or even end.

I believe there is a cost to either decision. Good luck with it. I think I will keep reading no matter what you do. But I can't swear by it. If it's all positive, but still genuine I will stay. If it becomes fake and forced, I probably won't wait that out. I just don't have time in my life for fake.

I hope that makes sense.

Katie said...

I agree with missrobin's comment. If you really want to write, do it. There will always be naysayers, whether you know them intimately or anonymously. If writing's your outlet, then continue on. It's like opening up someone's diary - 80% of the time, the person's not going to like what they read - but it's the choice that they've made to read it (they can always click the back button) and the choice you've made to write it. Keep on, keepin' on!!

Karen said...

Yes you stop writing about the " bad" stuff that will hurt others.

Shannon said...

I think you know how I feel about this, but I will repeat it.

You need to do what feels right for you. If this blog is a way for you to express who you are or want to be again, then there is no point in writing what you think other people will like. If you do that, you are doing nothing more than being who you think that they want you to be. That's not what will make you happy.

Of course, I'm not saying that you should go out of your way to say/write things that are deliberately mean/hurtful/damaging to other people. And I don't believe that you would ever do that. But, if you are writing from an honest place (as Misssrobin put it) without pointing fingers or being malicious, I can't see how it can be a bad thing.

If someone is offended by what you express, they always have the option to not read your blog. HOWEVER, if they care about you they should want to know what you really feel - maybe it can make them take a step back and take an honest look at their relationship with you.

Perhaps they will begin to realize that maybe, just maybe, you aren't the sole cause of all the problems in your relationship with them. The street does go both ways.

Whichever way you choose to go, I will still read your blog and you will always have me to call and vent or crow about anything you need to instead of/in addition to what you write.

What's the point of a blog if it just makes you feel worse about yourself?

Also, when the going gets tough, the tough get chocolate martinis!